Sham, Bam, Thank You Ma’am

In an era of blustery assholes dominating the headlines, Mayweather vs McGregor is the sideshow that makes too much sense. Two homophobic bigots fueling the fire of a race war in the most divided America of the modern era.

The spectacle doesn’t surprise, but the assertion that this is a legitimate fight does. Replace T-Mobile Arena for Medieval Times with Trumpito eating turkey legs in his paper crown and food all over his face and we are closer to the proper setting.

Let’s be honest, the most fitting setting would be the Great Pit of Carkoon on Tatooine, but until someone can commandeer Rick’s portal gun, we are stuck with this planet’s options.

The hype is real. People from all walks of life are talking about this shit show, bars are charging $20-$30 a head for entry, and watch-party planning is in full swing.

Not for the boxing, but for the spectacle.

This. Is. Not. A. Fair. Fight.

People are tuning in for the sideshow. For a chance to see something crazy happen like Connor reverting to MMA when he’s getting his ass kicked(don’t hold your breath).

Someone biting an ear off Tyson style.

Not for a welterweight title fight.

Not that boxing has any shame. As the undisputed champion of dirty tactics and corruption this is just another day’s work for a dying sport that still somehow scams people out of millions of dollars.

The esteemed WBC has introduced the “Money belt” encrusted with 3,600 diamonds to go to the winner. What a class act.

Lost in all the bluster and grandstanding is what’s at stake. And for boxing, it has everything to lose and nothing to gain.

Mayweather wins the fight(as he will) and everyone will say I told you so and nothing changes.
McGregor wins and boxing is pronounced dead right there in the ring.

Boxing cannot afford to see it’s undefeated superstar toppled by UFC’s star loudmouth in his first pro fight as a boxer. Any shred of credibility left would be gone.

The UFC’s walking, talking penis and PR man Dana White tells us Connor is going to knock Floyd out, mark his words.

That’s a bunch of bullshit, but these hype merchants know how to peddle a spectacle.

Dana released a video of Connor whipping “former champ” Paulie Malignaggi in sparring which led many more tools to dump money on McGregor. Former champ he may be, but I watched Paulie’s biggest fights and watched him get served by Cotto, Hatton, and Khan, the first two of which were later dispatched by Floyd.

In a boxing sense, Connor has no chance. His hand speed is nowhere near good enough to trouble Floyd, but the bravado and bluster of a WWE star has done more than enough to sell the PPV. Combined with Floyd’s heel turn from Pretty Boy to Money Mayweather, the cast of characters you love to hate will captivate the masses Saturday night.

I will not be paying for the fight and I implore you to do the same, for feeding the PPV cut of serial woman-beater Mayweather is not on my agenda. Every highlight will be all over Twitter or just find a stream, these deplorables don’t deserve out money.

If you intend on skipping the fight all together I can give you a quick rundown of what will happen:

A bunch of bravado and showboating, Connor gets dominated en route to an easy win for Floyd where he stops Connor in the 8th round on a TKO and moves to 50-0, shamelessly breaking a historic boxing record against a clown in his first fight.

In Connor’s post-fight interview he will call out Floyd to fight him on his turf, to which Floyd will never do.

“Oi was a maaaan and stepped into da ring, now come fight me in da octagon.” -McGregor, probably.

Hundred bucks saved, sorry for the spoilers.

I’ll be back to talk about a real fight in three weeks when Canelo and GGG meet.

Leave a Reply